--- title: Take Care of Yourself Won't You? | Centre for Teams description: Individual leadership and resilience image: https://www.centreforteams.com/hubfs/DALL%C2%B7E%202025-02-20%2009.15.00%20-%20A%20close-up%20of%20a%20padlock%20attached%20to%20the%20railing%20of%20a%20bridge%2c%20inscribed%20with%20the%20words%20I%20Love%20Myself.%20The%20lock%20is%20slightly%20worn%2c%20symbolizing%20strength.webp --- [\+ 020 4538 9923](tel:+%20020%204538%209923)[info@centreforteams.com](mailto:info@centreforteams.com) [\+ 44 20 4538 9923](tel:+2045389923)[info@centreforteams.com](mailto:info@centreforteams.com) [![CFT-Nav-Bar-Logo-NEW](https://www.centreforteams.com/hs-fs/hubfs/CFT-Nav-Bar-Logo-NEW.webp?width=414&height=69&name=CFT-Nav-Bar-Logo-NEW.webp "CFT-Nav-Bar-Logo-NEW")](https://www.centreforteams.com/) [![Screenshot\_2024-06-19\_104847-removebg-preview](https://www.centreforteams.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Screenshot_2024-06-19_104847-removebg-preview.png?width=190&height=48&name=Screenshot_2024-06-19_104847-removebg-preview.png "Screenshot_2024-06-19_104847-removebg-preview")](https://www.centreforteams.com/) - 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We ask, **"How are you?"**—but often, we don’t actually listen to the response. That’s because the answer is usually just as automatic: **"I’m fine, thank you."** Even when, in reality, the person is far from fine. As we part ways, we might add another habitual phrase: **"Take care of yourself."** But much like "fine," what does "take care" really mean? And even when it’s genuinely meant, do we truly understand how to take care of ourselves? #### This is personal Over the past few years, I’ve faced several health challenges—some self-inflicted, others less so. These experiences have made me more aware than ever of the need to **actively** take care of myself, not just for my own well-being but to ensure others don’t have to do it for me. Running a business with my partner Chris has reinforced this. As friends and colleagues, we look out for each other, but we also recognize the importance of developing **our own capacity for self-care**, especially given our leadership responsibilities. This is a reality many of us face—whether leading businesses, teams, or driving change in major organizations. Along the way, we discovered the work of [**Dr. Kristin Neff**](https://self-compassion.org/), a leading psychologist whose research on **self-compassion** presents a compelling case for prioritizing our well-being. #### The Business Case for Self-Compassion According to Neff, individuals who cultivate **self-compassion** are better equipped to handle work challenges, stay motivated, and persist in reaching their goals. They also build **stronger relationships**, both professionally and personally. Additionally, research suggests they tend to be **physically healthier**, with **stronger immune systems**—an advantage in both work and life. #### **What is Self-Compassion—and How Do You Know If You're Practicing It?** Neff defines self-compassion through three key components: 1. **Self-Kindness** – Instead of harsh self-judgment when we fail or struggle, **self-kindness** allows us to acknowledge setbacks with understanding. It gives us the mental space to accept that we didn’t perform as well as we’d hoped or that we feel exhausted. It offers a safe place to recover and heal. 2. **Common Humanity** – This contrasts with **isolation**. Recognizing our **common humanity** means understanding that to be human is to be vulnerable, flawed, and imperfect. While suffering can feel deeply personal, we are not alone in it. Literature, storytelling, and shared experiences remind us that struggle is part of the human condition. 3. **Mindfulness** – Mindfulness is often recommended for managing stress, but Neff differentiates it from **over-identification**—a common psychological challenge. When we empathize with others, we often absorb their emotions as our own. By being mindful of this tendency, we can remain compassionate without becoming overwhelmed by the emotions we pick up throughout the day. #### **Two Questions to Reflect On:** The simplicity of Neff’s work can be captured in two questions I recently posed to an executive team during a workshop: 1. **If your best friend came to you for support while feeling upset, what would you say or do?** 2. **When you are facing a difficult situation, how do you treat yourself? What do you say to yourself?** When I asked these questions, the room fell silent. It became clear that while the team readily showed compassion toward others, they rarely extended the same kindness to themselves. #### **Self-Compassion and Resilience** Resilience is often misunderstood as simply "toughing it out." But in reality, **true resilience includes self-compassion**. It’s about cultivating the internal strength to support ourselves, just as we would support a close friend. We are our **own** best resource in stressful times. For more insights, explore Neff’s research: [Self-Compassion Research](https://self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion/#research-on-self-compassion) **References:** - Neff, K. D. (2023). *Self-Compassion: Theory, Method, Research, and Intervention.* *Annual Review of Psychology*, 74:193-217. 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