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This is quite a statement to say, or even to think. And perhaps behind this is something more benign and important – a request for some appreciation or recognition for the work I do.   In giving voice to my frustration, I am also protecting the part of me that doesn’t want to feel rejected by a lack of acknowledgement. Perhaps then, it is conceivable to define conflict as a search for intimacy.   Most of us have been there. A meeting that turns tense. An email that lands badly. A colleague whose tone feels a little too sharp. In the moment, it’s easy to believe the problem is about *what* was said, or even *who* said it. But often, the real issue runs deeper. We all bring to work a set of human needs – to feel respected, valued, included, and heard. When those needs aren’t met, conflict can be the way those needs find their voice.   Researchers have found that conflict in the workplace isn’t a single thing. Jehn (1995) breaks it down into *task conflict* (disagreements about the work), *relationship conflict* (personal friction), and *process conflict* (how the work gets done). Each of these plays out differently. Task conflict can actually spark better ideas if handled well, while relationship conflict tends to drain trust and energy (De Dreu & Weingart, 2003).   And while we often approach conflict like a problem to be solved, it’s also a mirror reflecting the emotional landscape of team members. Conflict shines a spotlight on things that need attention. Leaders need to be acutely aware of this and to be prepared to have conversations that address it.   For those who feel the emotion or anger, perhaps it is a cue to consider: what is this emotion telling me? What is it within me that needs attending to that is being expressed through anger? What do I ***actually*** need?    At this point a choice emerges: can I share that need or can I attend to that need myself?    If I choose to attend to the need myself, I might just turn around the belief: “I hate my boss” into “I am bloody good at what I do.”, And knowing that is enough, for now.    [![Centre For Teams - LongCTA (3)](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/7628916/interactive-161174640313.png)](https://www.centreforteams.com/hs/cta/wi/redirect?encryptedPayload=AVxigLKHaKD174vTpbZ99%2Bmulvm0Icca8weQNnNdUD0%2FMCYt3TNxTJHM1qaCrNJOXiEt4%2FPBascezgqaLo1D6W4mpMiGHweXHM8sQGObLDt91ABJbzVUNVOihM4qLNyWmIAcUq7pblpw46eXye7D6mzzBsMMik4PWL7V9VsJ8YeETQE%2BY6DiWeLa%2FdwL%2FoJt6ib4%2FAi8vu5tySxBs%2FpLBrRbzyTMAg%3D%3D&webInteractiveContentId=161174640313&portalId=7628916) **References**  De Dreu, C. K. W., & Weingart, L. R. (2003). Task versus relationship conflict, team performance, and team member satisfaction: A meta-analysis. *Journal of Applied Psychology, 88*(4), 741–749. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-9010.88.4.741  Jehn, K. A. (1995). A multimethod examination of the benefits and detriments of intragroup conflict. *Administrative Science Quarterly, 40*(2), 256–282. [https://doi.org/10.2307/2393638](https://doi.org/10.2307/2393638)  Share this [Share on Twitter](https://twitter.com/share?url=https://www.centreforteams.com/blog/conflict-and-the-search-for-intimacy&text=Conflict%20and%20the%20Search%20for%20Intimacy) [Share on Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.centreforteams.com/blog/conflict-and-the-search-for-intimacy&t=Conflict%20and%20the%20Search%20for%20Intimacy) [Share on LinkedIn](https://www.linkedin.com/shareArticle?mini=true&url=https://www.centreforteams.com/blog/conflict-and-the-search-for-intimacy&t=Conflict%20and%20the%20Search%20for%20Intimacy) Previous story [← Sweating Your Leaders As A Source Of Competitive Advantage](https://www.centreforteams.com/blog/leadership-development-and-capability-building) Next story [Developing Leadership Capability: Why Leadership Skills Matter As Much As A Leadership 'Mindset' →](https://www.centreforteams.com/blog/developing-leadership-capability) ## You May Also Like These Related Stories [How To Be Trustworthy?](https://www.centreforteams.com/blog/how-to-be-trustworthy) ![Trust me, I'm a professional...](https://www.centreforteams.com/hubfs/dentist%20image.webp) [Trust](https://www.centreforteams.com/blog/tag/trust) ### How To Be Trustworthy? 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Jul 17, 2025 2 min read ### Get Email Notifications ### No Comments Yet Let us know what you think ** Phone:** [+44 20 4538 9923](tel:+020%204538%209923) ** Email:** [info@centreforteams.com](mailto:info@centreforteams.com?subject=Enquiry%20from%20Centre%20for%20Teams%20website) 1 Park Road, Hampton Wick, KT1 4AS, United Kingdom VAT Number: 843986478 Company Number: 5161533 [Join us on Slack](https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-centre-for-teams-limited/) Our Solutions - [Leadership Coaching](https://www.centreforteams.com/leadership-coaching) - [Strengthening Leadership Capability](https://www.centreforteams.com/strengthening-leadership-capability) - [Leadership Circles and Supervision](https://www.centreforteams.com/leadership-circles-and-supervision) - [Team Development](https://www.centreforteams.com/team-development) Our Solutions - [Team Leadership](https://www.centreforteams.com/team-leadership) - [Team Learning Summits](https://www.centreforteams.com/team-learning-summits) - [Partnering & Joint Ventures](https://www.centreforteams.com/partnering-joint-ventures) - [Cultural Change](https://www.centreforteams.com/cultural-change) Resources - [Blog](https://www.centreforteams.com/blog) - [Case Studies](https://www.centreforteams.com/blog/tag/case-studies) - [Podcast](https://www.centreforteams.com/podcast) - [Free Guide](https://www.centreforteams.com/download-creating-adaptable-team) - [Book a Meeting](https://www.centreforteams.com/book-a-meeting) - [FAQ](https://www.centreforteams.com/frequently-asked-questions) - [Teamship in a VUCA Environment](https://www.centreforteams.com/teamship-in-a-vuca-environment) Copyright © 2026 The Centre for Teams Ltd. 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