Conflict and the Wisdom of Donkeys

For reasons best known to herself and for as long as I can remember, my mother had a framed copy of what was casually referred to as ‘The Two Donkeys’ hanging on the kitchen wall of every house we lived in throughout my childhood.  

The Two Donkeys

The 8-year-old me gave no thought as to what the picture referred to. I just assumed that it resembled any other parental advice:  “you’ll feel better when you ‘ve had something to eat,” or “there are plenty more fish in the sea.” Undoubtably true, but never what you want to hear at the time! 

 Fast forward a few years. No sooner did I enter corporate life than I found myself invariably batting and battling against sometimes smarter and often more experienced colleagues. We may have shared the same organisational purpose, but we saw very different routes to its realisation.  

I was continually in conflict with them (regardless of how polite we may have been to each other) - they were as determined in their approach as I was in mine, and no-one was ever going to give any ground. 

 It was on these occasions that ‘The Two Donkeys’ would find their way back into my consciousness and invite a range of questions that could help uncover a way out or at least a way through: 

• What’s the conversation that’s being had here? 
• What’s the killer question that’s being asked to unlock the logjam? 
• What experiences are being shared here? 
• What strongly held assumptions and beliefs are being temporarily parked? 

 So much great stuff has been written about how to harness conflict and how to have really powerful conversations (not least this useful piece from Centre for Teams on “How to Give Feedback and Maintain Trust” ). And whilst there is so much valuable learning to be accessed and shared, to my mind the essence of the wisdom of donkeys is to: 

•  Step back. 
• slow down,
• let go,
• open up.  

A classic case of slowing down to speed up.  

It's not rocket science. It’s just good to talk.